Back in the early days you’d get junk mail in your good old mailbox. With the Internet we know have junk email. One large offender that somehow slips through my spam filter: Search Engine Optimization (SEO) trolls. Yes I know you create great websites and you’ll make sure my company shows up at the top of every Google search. You’ve developed breathtaking websites with blah, blah, blah. Here’s one I just received with my comments in parentheses.

I hope you are having a great day (Really, come on.)

According to the trends in your industry – over 80% of people search for your products/services thorough online (e.g. Google, Yahoo & Bing) and buy from there on the same. (We don’t sell anything on our website moron. Not everyone is retail…)

These rankings also influence other channels of sales as well. (No kidding)

It would be recommended if you go for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) for your site which would increase your web visibility in Google, Yahoo & Bing and generate better prospect traffic to your website. (Nice English! From another country, perhaps?)

There is a simple equation that is applicable to the online world. (Very Einstein-like!)

Ethical SEO -> Better Traffic -> Higher Sales. (Stop bothering me – you moron – go away)

Just wondering, if you would be interested in improving the position of your website for the key terms your clients would be using to search your services. (No)

In case you require any additional information, it will be our pleasure to furnish the same. (Still having a problem with Anglais I see)

Do let me know if you are interested, I would be happy to give you more detailed information about our SEO services, like, price list, packages & guarantee & monthly plan, etc… (Etc no)

I am looking forward to your positive response. (Die).